We are a Genesis 1 Generation

Most parents observe that as their child grows up and learns new things, some lessons come more intuitively than others. There are always exceptions, of course, but generally we find that most kids learn how to say, “That’s mine!’ more easily than, “I’m sorry!” Or it does not take as much effort to teach a child how to operate an iPad as it does to teach him how to play piano.

What is easier for a child to learn, sin or grace? What lesson comes more intuitively to them, that they are bad or that they are unconditionally loved?

A few months ago I had an incident with my daughter. We were at her uncle Brendan’s house and she was in his room playing with his toys. I wasn’t there when it happened, but I was told that she had broken one of his legos and that it had occurred after he repeatedly told her to “be careful with it.” 

Deep down I had always believed that one of the most important jobs of a parent was to discipline their children. I believed that because we’re sinners, bad behavior comes naturally and we need to work extra hard to teach our kids the difference between right and wrong. And so I took Abby aside and I said to her, “You broke uncle Brendan’s lego. That’s bad and you need to say sorry to him now.” She fell silent and stared grimly. I took her into another room and tried again. I said, “we’re not going home until you say sorry.” Still nothing. “You did something bad, Abby, you need to do the right thing!” She burst into tears as I dug my heels in. 

We eventually went home anyway, but for the next few days after, I kept reminding her that she still needed to say sorry to uncle Brendan, even if it has to be through Zoom. Each time I brought it up it would elicit the same reaction from her: She would shut down and refuse to say or do anything or make any eye contact. This behavior triggered me even more because I was worried that I was raising a rebellious, wicked child; an entitled, self-centered brat. I was so fearful of that outcome that I just refused to let it go and soon I found myself in an emotional staring contest with my daughter; who will blink first?

In a recent discussion on culture and the gospel, Sam Allberry, a pastor from the UK, said:

“In earlier times, we were living in a moralistic framework, and one of the tasks of evangelism was to show good people how they were in fact sinners. And therefore a lot of our evangelism began in Genesis 3.... We (today) have to begin in Genesis 1. We live in an anxious age where we need to prove to people they're worth something.”

What he means by this is that there was a time in our society when generally most people thought of themselves as basically decent. In those times people believed that as long as you weren’t a murderer or adulterer God favored you and you would go to heaven. If you wanted to proclaim the gospel you had to convince people that “there is no one righteous, not even one” (Romans 3.10). 

But we don’t live in those days anymore. We live in times where people deep down feel as if there is something wrong with them. We live broken and in search of healing; we don’t need to be told that we’re sinners because we already know it intuitively. 

To people today, the most surprising part of the gospel is that we are known by a loving God who desires a relationship with us and who created us with dignity and worth. That’s what pastor Allberry means by needing to start with Genesis 1: We find it impossible to accept that messed up humans can bear the image of God (Gen 1.27). Our hearts are dominated by the Fall in Genesis 3.

Today the hardest lesson to teach is that God loves us even if we are broken, and that grace means that he approves of us despite our sin. This is true for those who trust in Jesus, because Jesus’ blood washes away our sins and makes us clean. The gospel contains a desperately-needed message for a battered world that can’t find peace. We are not good people. But neither are we hopelessly evil. We are lost sheep that a loving Shepherd has gone in search of.

What I have found not just for my own kids but for almost any child I’ve met is that they don’t need to be convinced that they do bad things, they just seem to know it. On the other hand, it is hard work to tell them over and over and over again that you love them and that your love doesn’t depend on how good they are. Treat your kids like Genesis 1 kids: Work hard to show them their inherent worth, and disciple them to know how much value they have in being made in God’s image. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps 139.14). 

In the end I had a discussion with my wife, and she made me realize that while my heart was in the right place, my approach to teaching Abby could use a little work. Next time I get a chance, I will assume her experience of guilt, and dwell in it with her, and then show her the way out through grace. Instead of saying, “You did something bad” I’m going to say, “Maybe you didn’t mean to do that, Abby. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe you feel bad about breaking uncle Brendan’s things already? It’s okay” I’m going to magnify grace to my child. She’ll beat herself up enough as it is, and it’s my job to teach her to sweet, sweet taste of forgiveness and unconditional love. It’s my utter privilege to show her that.